The Lazarette

The Lazarette
a Stern Publication

Thank you Neptune! It is Half-way Day, and we are grateful and humbled by your seas.

We celebrated with bucket showers in a passing hour of sunshine just after the marine life show of a lifetime when 50 or so pilot whales came up quickly behind us and then paced us for what seemed an hour. They looked like a happy community with five or six swimming together and rolling in unison, babies along side their mothers and one big one we surmised was the leader. He, maybe she, came very close, perhaps to ensure we posed no harm to the happy family. They left us to the waves and thoughts of new friendships and our families. Wish you were here ( we certainly have enough food).

In other news , let‘s eat! Yes the caloric intake on Tioga is truly astounding. Let me count the pounds: sausage and onions and yummy sauce to start the day, a lunch of pork tenderloin salad with just the right amount of blue cheese. And let‘s not forget Ellen‘s favorite, The Pringle Hour. Brought to you by Chips at Sea, delicious on any point of sail. Dinner is soon, and we‘ll tip a cup to Neptune for his blessing. Bon Appetit!

As we rush to publication for Captain Philip‘s 6 pm data download, we are listening to “If I had a boat” by Lyle Lovett while Ulf scuds along at 7 plus knots in a stiffening breeze working up that famous appetite.

Miles traveled last 24 hours

All is well here on Tioga, but do you know where the kids are?

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The Tioga Daily News

All the news that fits in the Lazarette

First, a matter of copyright. The Tioga Daily News editorial board has decided that to keep up with the times (pun intended) our publication’s name will be reduced to “The Lazarette” A Stern Publication

Now that we have complied with the legal team’s instructions, let’s pull in the daily bucket of news.

First a hardy thanks to all those who replied to our research questions. We were overwhelmed by the hundreds of responses and Captain Philip was forced to cut of the Iridium download due to the general austerity gestalt that is the Tioga boat culture. ( Past crew will know what this means.). Thank you for your erudite responses and we regret only having room to acknowledge a few pithy responses.

Thank you Sharon. Your insightful questions to our question : I think the real question is why is an island of ice called Greenland and a beautiful green island called Iceland??? Were the Vikings drinking too much ale during those days?

However Sharon, who FYI is Dapper Dave’s girlfriend, we want to let you know that Dave is making us his grilled cheese and ham but still you better.

Dear John.com,
It is always a pleasure to hear from a gentleman and a scholar. Your wisdom regarding nasal musicality is so profound that we can do nothing less than quote you unabridged

We now know that fish sleep, and what fish sleep is, the next question that you may wonder about is, do fish snore ? The answer, though based on preliminary scientific findings is that, yes, they do. There is a growing body of evidence that the resonant frequencies of simultaneous and synchronized fish snoring is the cause of over 50 % of the aquatic wave force dynamics in the worlds oceans. The cumulative slumburnal vibrational force of minnows, whales, dolphins, sharks, octopi and even squid, results In wave patterns, heights, and periods that are directly related to such aquatic output. Also, there is also convincing evidence that human snoring propagating from transatlantic sailing vessels can induce and amplify the “fish snoring’” that happens below the ocean’s surface

And finally, Peter Barba, we want to address your insightful inquiry:
Is Ulf still performing the Fosbury Flop to get into the pilot berth? and has he stepped on anyone while getting in?

It’s an excellent question, but somewhat out of date. Ulf has begun his migratory phase. There have been multiple bunk sightings: he appears to be frequenting the V berth, which was temporarily Ellen’s girl cave until Ulf placed a bag of garbage there under the pretense of being a helpful crew member. “Just doing my part to clean up” he said with a smirk. He has also been spotted in Capt. Philip’s bunk. We are tracking the migratory course in our continued efforts to unravel the mystery of the Ulf behavior patterns.

Also Dave says we’ll see who the last man standing is.

Today has been a tiny bit wet, including wine in the cabin while Ulf and Philip steered under a deluge. We continue to make excellent progress, perhaps our biggest day yet. We are now past the one third mark and should be half way tomorrow. All well here on Tioga in the warmth of the galley. Chef Amy is preparing tenderloin.

Keep writing us. And so glad that Greenland remains part of Denmark (Let them deal with it)

The Tioga Daily News

All the news that fits in the lazarette!

For all you fans of contrast, here is our Our Dichotomy of the day: An Ulf is a very special creature that can can change its size. Just look at how big one is and how small a bunk it fits in!

Not only is an Ulf able to change its shape, it can change the world economy and address global warming. Ulf has big plans for his Icebergy business. in case you were wondering, an hour icebergy is a real iceberg imported from Newfoundland and available for cocktails in the comfort of your own home. An icebergy is thousands of years old and makes a crackling sounds as it cools your favorite beverage. During import, the icebergy is towed through the seas for over 1000 miles, thus reducing sea temperatures. The only issue is the logistic of melting. With current technology , it requires a two ton icebergy to deliver one cocktail size product. We know Ulf will crack this minor setback.

Here on Tioga, we spell Sea life : See life. Last night while we sped down the waves porpoises darted alongside lit by phosphorescence. Today a pod of pilot whales trailed the boat, dancing at the bow. If it lives out here, we see it.

And now for our interactive news event. We challenge our readership with the following research questions. When on Tioga, there is no Google. you are out Google. Please let us know the answers to these burning questions. Email your response to us at pkersten@myiridium.net

Questions:
Do fish sleep.? Do they have eyelids and how can they see at night?

Seabirds in north Atlantic: those that dont dive for fish: what do they eat? How often do they go back to land?

Greenland: When was it last green and what grew there? And has the US bought Greenland yet?

When did Sweden last produce wine?

How do whales sleep (underwater or floating at the surface) and for how long?

We know that the Titanic sank approximately 300 miles south of our route, but we were wondering where she initiated her journey.

Signing off. All is well here on Tioga. We traveled 140 miles today and continue in a nice breeze of 8 knots building to 17 tomorrow. Broad reach.

Dichotomy of the Day

Having sailed 153 miles in the last 24 hours, we are now approximately 25% into our adventure and the crew are finding their rhythm. After a relaxing Sunday, we all got good sleep with some crew members taking on double shifts so others could catch up on their sleep.

Philip definitely took the prize for the dichotomy of the day. He woke to breakfast in bed (french toast with caramelized bananas and fresh blueberries) and within an hour was in the hole fixing an issue with the steering cable. After three hours in the hole, Philip emerged a bit queezy, but the issue was fixed, the sun was out, and the sailing was beautiful!

We are working to keep an exercise routine, with half the crew participating in yoga today. The yoga venue changed to the cockpit today as the sea was a bit rough for the fore deck.

Coming soon, Ulf’s icebergy business plan, what to do with canned carrots and more. All is well on Tioga!

A day at the Spa

What else to do on a lazy Sunday on Tioga: lets go to the spa!
A spa day was hardly expected as we had experienced a cold night that felt like being stuck on a New England chair lift. But the morning weather was incredible, a gorgeous sunrise followed by clear skies, warm sun, and friendly seas.

While Captain Philip and Ulf gave Tioga some TLC reassembling a stuck winch, Ledyard, becoming aware of B.O. (Boat odor), booked the first treatment of the day — the early morning bucket shower special. Just like in ancient times, taking a bath on Tioga is a public event, where spectators have more fun watching then the bather does bathing.

Ledyard, fearful that this was a hazing event, was a good sport and dove right in, putting on quite the show. After showers were complete, we dried ourselves in the sun by the infinity pool. Once Ulf had freshened up, he joined the ladies for a pedicure in hot pink. – proof attached.

After our morning at the spa, chef Amy served yet another fabulous south beach diet infused lunch (salmon and shrimp on salad). Then the crew took their siesta on the lido deck for some consumption of vitamin C and pina coladas. Unfortunately, senior citizen yoga was cancelled due to building winds.

As the day closes we are running well on a course of 120 in 15 kt breeze and an ETMAL of 142 miles in the past 24 hours.

Another great day on the water…all is well on Tioga!

[catfegory 2019, NL2IRL, NEWFOUNDLAND, Ireland ]

Cruising top 10

As a southerly breeze pushed us along the rum line, we began to ponder the top ten similarities and differences between a Disney cruise and a Tioga Cruise.

1. All you can eat. Disney: Yes; Tiago: Yes
2. Dining daily with the captain: Disney: No; Tioga:Yes
3. Pee pee in the pool: Disney: Yes; Tioga: Yes
4. Chips on board. Disney: Yes (poker) Tioga: Yes (Pringles)
5. Dancing dolphins: Disney: Yes (Lido deck); Tioga: Yes (playing in our wake for hours) 6. Showers: Disney: Yes (hot, private); Tiago: Yes (cold on deck from a bucket) 7. Daily miles traveled: Disney: 450 miles; Tiago: 156 miles 8. Carbon footprint: Disney: Bigfoot; Tiago: little feet
9. Customer Satisfaction Survey: Tioga 100%; Disney?
10. On deck yoga: Disney: Yes; Tioga: Yes

All is well on Tioga. A very happy and healthy crew enjoying our time on the water!

[catfegory 2019, NL2IRL, NEWFOUNDLAND ]

Spudgate, our first brush with international law.

Tioga is a highly regimented outfit. Upon commissioning for the journey, long forgotten contraband from Idaho was discovered with nasal acumen.
You readers ought to know that one thing that Canadian customs officials do not tolerate is illegal importation of American potatoes.
Chef Amy and sous chef Ledyard’s best jugment was to opt for flagrant violation of international law. Under the cover of darkness Ledyard disposed the doublebagged contraband spuds in an inconspicuous dumpster and stole of into the night.
The following Morning Amy woke up to a moral dilemma. Racked by guilt and worry for the future of all spud farming Newfoundlanders, she strongly suggested that her sous retrieve the offending tubers. Ledyard gracefully dumpster dived and pondered the wisdom of taking this vacation.
Needless to say the spuds were tossed overboarded in international waters, thus bringing Spudgate to a happy end.

And other daily news: fair winds, friendly porpoises, and lots of laughs.